So today is a day for venting. for any of you who don't have kids or who are bothered by hearing about nursing or nipples, you might not want to read this. Just a warning.
So this past week I have decided to start weaning Lucas. He will be one in July and I hear the best way to wean is gradually over about a month so I was starting now. Then a few days ago Luke got sick and has only wanted one thing, mommy's bobbies. So he has been nursing non-stop, not only frustrating for me, but he undid all the weaning I had started last week. So, a little while back when I was nursing I had this horrible pain and I had no idea what it was. I figured out that it was his top teeth scraping across my areola. It was the worst pain I have felt other than contractions. By the time he was done eating my nipple was rubbed raw and was bright red. It is only on my right nipple. So now I have the dilemma of him needing to nurse but only being able to feed him on one side because my other nipple is rubbed raw when he does nurse on the right side....hm???? what to do? Now that he is sick he is nursing all the time, but only on one side , so my right side, I fear, is going to get engorged. i am thinking I might just stop him nursing all together and pump and try to get him to take a sippy of breast milk. The only problem with that is he does not like sippys very much and when he is sad he just wants the comfort of mommy, and, honestly thats what i want to. Nursing Luke has been the best experience, Unlike Levi, Luke took right to it and has gone strong for 10 1/2 months now. I love it. We have such a strong bond from it I know that whenever he is sad or hurt he can come to me and I am the only one who can comfort him in the way he wants and needs. And to be honest, it does the same for me. Ever since I had Luke I have been feeling very different and have been having spells of being very short-tempered and have a very short fuse. I also feel a lot of things that remind me of the depression I went through in high school. So the nursing, for me, has been a healing process and helps me to get away from my daily obligations and allows me to sit in the dark, rock and hold my sweet little baby. It gives me comfort. This is what brings me to my dilemma. I don't want to wean but I feel that I am being forced to. I wish I could talk to Luke and tell him he is hurting mommy and to stop, but I just can't. So now I fear that weaning him will take way something that I have cherished for months now. And I really don't like to see him so sad, which he is when I am being strong and don't nurse him. So today is really bad for me. I am feeling guilt, sadness, overwhelmed, angry, hurt(nipples), and worried of the days to come. If any one has any words of advice, encouragement, or help please feel free to do so. today is a bad day, tomorrow will be a new day.
Wow three years!! I can't believe that we have been married for 3 years!! Time seriously flies, yet I feel like I can't remember life without Daniel. Last night we went to Marketstreet Grill for dinner and went to see transformers. It was so good! And our dinner was amazing! I love my husband so much and I can't wait to spend eternity with him!
This past week was Lehi Round-Up week! And now that we are citizens of Lehi we had to attend some festivities!! Friday night we went to the Rodeo and were poured on and were freezing for the first half them it stopped raining and was a blast! I had to dress to the nines for it! I miss the days of being obsessed with cowboys and cowgirl stuff! (Carlye and Rach know exactly what i'm talking about!) Saturday my sister -in law Ashley and her friend Denise and I took the boys to the parade! It was a blast and other than it being 10 hours long it was a blast!!! After we had to go to reams and buy Levi some Wranglers and cowboy boots!!! Pics to come!
so I decided to do some paste feet prints! I started out doing handprints but after trying 3 times and the boys just playing with the concrete stuff I decided feet would be easier! And even Levi was still playing with it with his toes! We woke up and made the best crepes ever and just hung out! Dan actually was sick all morning so we didn't make it to church. We went to my dad's for dinner and gave him his present....George Strait tickets!! He was pretty excited, and i'm jealous. All in all it was a great father's day! I love my dad so much and he is the best! And Daniel is the best dad ever! I love him so much!
My cute boy and my sexy hubby.
Seriously??....
This is why we left a little early:)
It seems this is the usual picture for these two!
Ready to go with the licorice
Me, Ruthie and Carolina ready to go!
Levi wanted to ride on his uncle Marchall's shoulders the whole day!
